he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
