The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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