i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
