remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
