She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
