Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
they need to just BURY HIM!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
