I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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