too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
