But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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