She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This house was built for laser tag.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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