My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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