dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
