I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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