And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
