We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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