Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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