i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
