You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
