the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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