god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
