It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
