im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
