Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
