Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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