literally had 100 drinks last night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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