You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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