If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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