This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
