In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
