There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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