she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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