so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
