OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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