margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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