Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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