the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
