Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
