You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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