she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
