so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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