why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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