Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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