I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
