At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
