Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
