I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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