Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
