im six kinds of drunk right now
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
