There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
