I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
