I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
