im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
