he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
