just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
