All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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