pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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