every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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