I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
