somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
