please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
