Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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