my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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