arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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