took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
