People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
