he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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