I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
