He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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